Alias
by HOLLOWpoint headers
Summary: Years after Hogwarts Lily Evans is assigned a top secret ministry mission that could make her career. The catch: she has to cut off contact with all friends and relatives to go under deep cover, including James Potter.


Author's Note: 

So those of you who've read some of my other fics, this is why I haven't been updating, 25 pages in word and over 10,000 words. Those of you who haven't, this isn't my usual style, it's a bit AU but as we don't know all the details of Lily and James's life after (or even during) Hogwarts, I fabricated my own interpretation. Naturally, JK is the inspiring genius, not me. And without further ado: Alias.

**Alias**

_In this sea of lonely  
The taste of ink is getting old  
It's four o' clock in the fucking morning  
Each day gets more and more like the last day  
Still I can see it coming  
While I'm standing in the river drowning  
This could be my chance to break out  
This could be my chance to say goodbye_

_The Used_

Lily had the dream again.

Meredith was beckoning from the doorway of the train that would take them from King Cross Station to the coast. Steam billowed forth from the machinery as the conductor called out, "All aboard!"

She cast another desperate glance about the station. He was supposed to be there to say goodbye. She'd told him the time. He was supposed to stop her. She hadn't meant those cruel words; surely he knew that. Surely he would stop her. The wheals creaked into motion, slow at first. She clenched her leather-clad hands tight into fists as she looked listlessly about for him. He had to make it. He promised he'd always be there when she wanted him. Well she wanted him now, _where the hell was he?_

People poured out of the newly arrived train blocking her view of the station, she'd never find him now. Meredith called her again as her train picked up speed. Lily hesitated for a fraction of a second then turned and sprinted to the train door. Meredith grabbed her hand and hauled her in just as someone called her name from behind. Lily turned in the doorway and there he was, the image of all she ever wanted.

The second extended into millennia. His tousled hair was almost in his eyes and stuck up in the back like it always had. His hazel eyes were pleading her to jump off the train and kiss him one last time. He held out a hand for her. Lily took a second to prepare herself for the uncertainjump back to the platform. Then it went dark as the train entered the tunnel, and he was gone forever.

"James!" Lily sat bolt upright in bed. She glanced around the room to get her bearings. It was the same room she had closed her eyes on, the same room that had seen her miserable self, moping about for the past year. Lily walked to her window and looked at the lightening skyline along the Seine River. She groaned, now that she knew the sun was coming up she'd never be able to fall back to sleep.

Lily sat back on the edge of her bed and rubbed her face. Today the dream had been more vivid then ever before and she recalled that today was exactly one day over a full year away from home.

She hated that dream; it was the reason she was still single. Every time she had it, it gave her false hope, the hope that he was waiting for her to come back. He had never come to the station like the dream 'claimed'; henever said goodbye. And yet she still saw him every time she had the dream. It was like her dreams wanted to keep raising her hopes and then dashing them once again. If it was going to keep repeating why couldn't it show her what had really happened. She'd almost missed the train standing around for someone who had no reason to follow her and who _didn't_ follow her. She broke his heart one time too many and he hadn't wanted to say goodbye, could she blame him?

With a long sigh Lily stood and walked to her kitchen where she poured herself a mug of coffee. She watched the sunrise as she recalled for the hundredth time how she had ended up lonely and frightened in a flat in Paris.

"_We have a vital and secretive task for you Miss Evans," Williams, the Head of the Auror Department at the ministry had told her, "You will be leaving for France under the alias of Marie Louisa Je'Carte, a reporter. Your real task will be discovering and infiltrating the Death Eater hideouts there. Are you up for it?"_

"_Yes Sir, of course," she responded like clockwork, without thinking._

"_Your partner will be Miss Francs," he named her best friend and fellow auror Meredith, "Who will be under the alias Camilla Antoinette Descartes, a rival reporter." Lily nodded. "We don't know how long you will be under these aliases but it may be as long as a few years."_

"_Years?" Lily gasped, forgetting that she was interrupting_.

"_Yes, Evans, years." Williams continued, "This is important Miss Evans. These people are murderers and we must stop them." Lilyswallowed hardand nodded._

"_You need to cut off this life," he told her, "You will sever all_ _relationships and tell people whatever story you wish. Family in Morocco, a job offer in Tokyo, I don't care. No one will know where you went and sufficiently deter them from making attempts to contact or find you. I don't want some lovesick swain blowing your cover just when you find their Headquarters. We'll be taking you and Miss Francs off of our staff list. You'll be paid under the table and none of your contacts will know your true name. You and Miss Francs will always refer to each other as Camilla and Marie and never speak of your previous life. Secrecy is key. Can you complete this mission?"_

_Lily felt the tears brimming up in her eyes. "Sir, yes Sir," she replied in a quavering voice._

_"Here's a file on all the basic information you'll need to know about your new identity." He slid a thick folder across the table to her. "Read it, memorize it, and then destroy it."_

_"Of course," Lily thrust out her chin against the seemingly insurmontable task ahead of her. It was a good thing she'd been trained to hide emotions so well she could even fake a lie detector spell._

"_Good, then go pack up your things and vacate your cubicle," he began to read a paper on his desk, she was clearly dismissed._

Lily began to cry as she remembered her goodbyes. There hadn't been many to make. She had called and left a message on Petunia's machine. Both her parents were dead so she needn't give them any excuses.

She fabricated a story about a teaching position in a small school in the US for Jamie, Remus and Sirius. But she didn't give James any story; he wouldn't have believed it anyways.

"_I'm leaving, James," she told him late one night at his apartment._

"_All right, I'll see you in the morning." James gave her a quick peck on the lips and then began to put away the dishes from dinner._

Why did he have to make it so damn hard? "_No James, I'm_ leaving_," she kept her voice cold and indifferent although she was screaming inside. "Tomorrow on the 12:52 train out of Kings Cross."_

"_Leaving for where," he asked slowly, catching on to her tone._

"_James," she faked exasperation and ran a hand through her hair, a habit she had picked up from him._

"_Where, Lily?" he asked more slowly._

"_Anywhere, everywhere," she let out a fake sigh of frustration. "Away from this damned cloudy city and endless fog." She gestured to the skyline of her favorite city, London. "Away from England and thecold rain and the bloody Ministry. Away from Petunia and her fat husband who hates me and the crowded dirty streets. Away from everything!" She was almost yelling at this point, hysterical, only James thought the hysterics were from anger rather then grief._

"_I'll come with you," he promised, stepping forward and gripping her shoulders, tugging at the very tendons of her heart. "We'll run away together. Elope on a beach and travel the world and never go anywhere rainy again." He was too good. He loved England; he loved his friends and his job and everything in his life._

"_No James," she whined, pulling out of his grip. "Don't say things like that." She prepared herself to shatter both of their hearts completely and irreversibly. "I'm going away from you too. Away from the confusion and the endless promises of finally getting married and having children and everything else. I don't want it any more. Yes I want away from this city but what I want most is away from you."_

_He stared at her,steppedback, afraid suddenly as though she would reach out and strike him, but no blow she could give would hurt as bad as her words. She could read his eyes like they were a mirror of her own acute and wretching pain. She wanted to kiss him and promise that it was all lies and that she'd never ever willingly leave him. "Is that what you want?" his voice was full of sacrifice._

"_Yes," Lily didn't yell any longer._

"_Then go," he waved a hand to the door._

_She hesitated, "James…"_

"_Don't worry about me, I'll be fine." He was too good; he hid his pain so that she could leave. "Enjoy your trip." He walked carefully, like he coudn't be sure of his balance and slouched on his couch with his back to her, burrying his face in his hands, his shoulders racking silently in pain. Lily pulled her coat off the coat rack and slipped it on as the tears silently began to pour. "When will you come back?" his voice held the last shreds of hope._

"_I don't know," Lily kept her voice emotionless and her back to him so that he wouldn't see her face. He didn't say anything so she opened the door and left._

Lily had gone home and taken just a tiny sip of the Draught of the Living Dead and fallen into a deep and dreamless sleep, unwilling to even think about how horrid a person she felt she was. When she woke the next morning she showered and brushed her hair quickly, hands shaking, anxoius and keyed up. With each moment she had been waiting for him to pound on her door, to demand that she explain why she suddenly didn't love him anymore. She couldn't accept that after seven years of chasing her he'd just let her go on a whim.

_At 12:16 Lily decided that he must have been planning to find her at the train station to stop her. She pulled on her tan pea coat and the matching leather gloves that he had bought her. She wrapped a plaid scarf of hisaround her neck and headed out into the foggy streets._

_She arrived at the station at 12:40. She had sat on the bench for9 minutes when Meredith arrived. "Would you mind finding us a compartment, I want to just sit for_ _another moment to say goodbye to the familiar sights," she lied to her friend. Meredith nodded in agreement and walked to the train._

_Kings Cross looked just like it had on her first day of Hogwarts, when James had pulled her braids and called her carrot top. She'd stomped on his foot and stormed away finding a compartment with several other first year girls who shared her annoyance with the entire male sex. Most of them were short friends, quickly lost, only Meredith and Jaemie had she been really close to._

_The clock read 12:51, the train whistled for the first time. Lily stood and walked closer to the train. She stared about the station, looking for him. He was cutting it close. She spun slowly in a circle, scanning the area for his identifying, messy, black hair. The train whistled again; he had thirty seconds to get there._

And then she was back to the dream with Meredith beckoning her to get on the train. Except the dream was wrong; he never came. He hadn't cared.

Lily sighed and refilled her coffee mug. The sun was just about up. She wanted to go home. She wanted to go find him and kiss him and marry him and have his children and forget all about the war that had consumed first her life and now her very soul. She and Meredith had found the Death Eater Headquarters months ago and had hoped they'd be able to go home. Unfortunately, the Ministry thought it was a worthwhile investment to keep two already settled, if not happy, agents undercover in Paris and so they were given unimportant tasks to keep them busy and were ordered to keep their eyes peeled for anything out of the ordinary.

There was a thump at the door. Lily opened it and grabbed the newspaper off the steps. One of her neighbors walked by and waved cheerily. She nodded and put on a fake smile before ducking into her cool and more importantly secluded kitchen with the paper.

She didn't bother to look at the front page; just more lies from the ministry about how much progress was being made—which was entirely false; they were in fact losing ground. She just flipped to the obituary and missing persons list. Her morning ritual everyday was to look for people she knew who had fallen victim to the dark times. It was a grim and depressing habit but one Lily couldn't shake.

There were few names in the list of the deceased. One man whose name she recognized from somewhere in the ministry. She sighed with relief. She looked to the list of the missing.

_Harvey Smalls [He was a reporter for the Prophet_

_Angelina Jeffries_

_Sammy Batten_

_Marilyn Josepharie_

_Sarah Simily [She had been a Ravenclaw in Lily's year_

_Gram Douglass_

_James Potter_

The glass of coffee slipped from Lily's hand and shattered on the floor. She read the list through again as the hot brown liquid seeped into her socks, scalding the skin on her toes.The breath caught in her throat as it came faster and harder. She sunk to the floor, mindless of the broken pottery shredding her fine silk robe and cutting into her skin. The tears wouldn't come. She waited and stared at the name, sitting in coffee and broken glass and her own blood but the tears didn't come. She'd run out of tears that day at the train station a year and a day before.

Her last hope was shattered. No one yet on the missing list hadever shownup again. Everyday she kept herself going by telling herself that the Ministry would send someone that day, to tell her that she was free; at night she assured herself it would be tomorrow. But now she didn't have any reason to go back to England. He was gone; there was no reason left to go back. What was there for her, friends? She had French friends, and she had Meredith.

She didn't know how long she sat there but by the time she stood the sun was high in the sky. Lily walked to the bathroom and turned on the hot water; it would take a few minutes for it to heat up. While she was waiting Lily looked into the mirror. She studied her features. Her auburn hair was frizzy and unkempt, swept back into a messy bun. Her freckles stood out more then usual on her already pale, clammy face. The skin on her cheeks was stretched tight over her cheekbones from having never slept or eaten well for a year giving her a sickly, haunted look. Her big green eyes were opened wide and glazed over, showing the numbness inside.

Lily turned from the mirror and stepped into the shower. She sat on the floor of the tub and waited for the heat to thaw the icy cold she felt all over. Water dripped in little droplets from her hair and onto her arms. The steam rose and coiled around her body heating her skin, turning it red and raw but she still felt a piercing cold all over. Like she'd gotten a chill she couldn't shake off.

"Marie?" Lily barely heard Meredith pounding at the door over the water. "Marie open up. I saw the paper. Let me in."

Lily stood and turned off the water. She didn't bother to dry herself; she just pulled her coffee and bloodstained robe over her wet body.

"Marie," Meredith pounded even louder. "Don't pretend you're not home. I'll blast this door down," she threatened. Lily walked to the door and opened it.

"Oh Lils," Meredith threw her arms around her friend's neck and whispered the name she hadn't heard for a year into her ear. "I'm so sorry."

Lily stepped backwards into the dark interior of her house and closed the door. Meredith watched her carefully. "Lily, sweetie," she led her friend to the couch. "Talk to me."

"He's gone," Lily struggled to keep her voice steady. "And I never told him how much I love him." The first tear streaked down Lily's cheek.

"Oh honey," Meredith hugged her. "They may find him yet. He's not dead."

Lily shot her a look of pure venom. "How many people who have gone missing have shown up again?" she asked icily.

Meredith grimaced. "At least he went down fighting," Lily felt her heart lurch at the nonchalant refferene to his death. _Went down..._ "It's what he would have wanted. Did you read about it?" Lily shook her head. "Here, it's in the paper." Meredith grabbed the wrinkled paper off the floor and turned to the front page that Lily hadn't looked at before.

**Ministry Loses 10 Aurors in Raid**

_In a raid of an alleged Death Eater hide out ten ministry aurors were lost last night. The aurors surrounded the building and charged inside to find absolutely no sign of habitation. They were preparing to leave when some forty or more Death Eaters apparated and took them by surprise. The informant, whose name the Ministry has not released, disappeared the night of the raid and has yet to be heard from. Of the twenty aurors who went on the raid nine are dead, one is missing and seven are severely wounded. The minister declined to comment on this loss._

Lily was unable to hide the look of pure terror from her face. "He's the only one missing. Why'd they want him?" she asked slowly.

"I don't know, Lils," Meredith looked as heartbroken as Lily felt. "But I just heard from Williams last night. He wants us back in England. The Ministry needs all it's aurors working out of London. God knows they couldn't afford to lose ten of us the way this war is going."

"He wants us back," Lily echoed.

"Lily," Meredith gripped both her shoulders and looked her straight in the eye. "Don't close up now. You can't block out everything; it's no good."

"We're going back now," Lily's voice was distant and quiet, like an afterthought. "Now when it doesn't matter anymore. Did you ever think, they took us out of their system? We could have taken off and deserted whenever we wanted without any actually repercussions only we didn't cause we were too _stupid_ and _foolish_ and god-damned _dedicated_ to the job!" She panted as the little flare of anger burned out."And now it's too late."

"Lily, oh honey," Meredith's eyes were filling with tears. "It'll get better, somehow." Lily didn't listen.

"Do you think, do you honestly think that he might still be alive?" she could sense the tears but held them back, knowing Meredith wouldn't answer truthfully if Lily was crying.

"Well," Meredith seemed to be debating with herself. "All logic points to no," she was watching Lily for signs of further distress. "They never let anyone go and no one has escaped. But still, he's the only one they took. They must need him for something or they would have just killed him with the other nine." Lily opened her mouth in a silent 'oh'.

"Come on," Meredith helped her to her feet and led her to her bedroom. "I packed last night so I can help you."

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_Closing time - time for you to go out, go out into the world.  
Closing time - turn the lights up over every boy and every girl.  
Closing time - one last call for alcohol, so finish your whiskey or beer.  
Closing time - you don't have to go home but you can't stay here._

_I know who I want to take me home._

_Semisonic_

Exactly two months later Lily stood over a polished marble headstone, her eyes bright with unshed tears once again. The graveyard was quiet, almost silent but for the wind whispering in the trees. She stared at the grave and reread the words.

_James Potter_

_Beloved Friend and Loyal Companion_

_Deceased in Duty_

Deceased in Duty, those three words were so far from the truth, so cold, and yet so accurate. The Ministry had finally pronounced James as dead. He'd been missing for two months and there hadn't been any news of him, dead or alive. And now his name was on the headstone above an empty grave.

Lily shrugged her sweater on tighter around her body as a crisp October breeze swept by. She rubbed away the Goosebumps as she walked slowly away from the grave. Once she was some twenty feet away she spun on the spot and Disapparated.

With a loud crack Lily arrived in the one place it hurt most to be, his old apartment. He hadn't had a will and he didn't have any living relatives. The landlord had found a scrap of paper that said "Everything for Lily." It was obviously a doodle from some time far in the past, Lily suspected from school days when he'd been infatuated with her, but with the lack of a will, the lawyers said this meant everything belonged to her.

The room was just the same as it had been when she left it last, he hadn't changed a thing. The same emerald green throw rug still lay there on the floor. It clashed horribly with the olive green walls but James had insisted on buying it because it matched her eyes. On the mantle piece above the fireplace was a photograph of the two of them on the last day of Hogwarts. James had his arms wrapped around her and wouldn't look at the camera because he was staring at her. Lily giggled and waved at the camera, blissful and in love and so sure that she would never have cause to break that boy's heart again.

Alittle spot of liquidstuck to Lily's eyelashes. She brushed it away with the back of her hand as she continued on her tour of the rooms she already knew so well. She re-familiarized herself with everything, running her fingers along the dust-covered surfaces as if checking to make sure it was real. It reminded her eerily of her habit of reading the obituaries, it hurt but it was something she had to do.

In the kitchen she stopped as a particular vision flooded her memory. Just weeks before she'd found out she had to leave for Paris, James had tried to cook her dinner, and failed miserably. She ran her finger along the crescent shaped, black scar in the counter-top. Lily had tried to fix it with her wand but he had stopped her, saying that he wanted to remember that night forever. She thought he was being foolish at the time but now she was thankful for the reminder.

With each second of fading sunlight Lily wandered in and out of rooms. Finally, at twilight she dropped onto the couch completely exhausted, pulled a fleece over herself and fell into a restless sleep. She didn't look around again the next morning. She justfolded up the fleece and replaced it on the back of the couch. She pulled on a change of clothes from her still unpacked suitcase, and apparated to the Ministry.

Almost no one had arrived yet. Lily glanced at her watch and realized it was only 5:30 in the morning. She sighed and headed to the elevator, hoping Williams was in early. Just before the metal gates clanged shut a voice rang out across the Atrium.

"Lily," Sirius was running towards her, his steps unfaltering. "Hold the elevator." Lily stuck a hand out and the grates clanged back open. "How are you?" his dark eyes were genuinly concerned as he stepped into the elevator beside her.

"Getting by," she answered honestly. "I'm staying in his apartment, sold mine when I went to Paris," now that she was back she had been permitted to tell her close friends the real reason for her disappearance, "but I couldn't sleep in the bed. Ended up crashing on the couch."

"If it's too hard," Sirius looked at her curiously, unsure of her reaction. "You can stay in my apartment. I can't guarantee the couch will be as comfortable but it may be easier."

Lily smiled as they stepped out of the elevator and headed down the hall. "Thanks for offering but I'll manage. What about you, I'm not the only one grieving."

"Me?" Sirius asked. "Well I'm doing fine. This is our job, we expected both of us wouldn't end up surviving the war." Despite his brave words Lily suspected it was much worse then he was letting on.

She stopped outside Williams's office, "I have to see if Williams is in," she told him.

Sirius nodded and she turned away. "Lily," he grabbed her arm lightly. "You didn't tell him where you really went did you?" his face was regretful of the pain he knew he must have been causing. Lily shook her head, knowing he was sorry for it but still a little angry for being reminded of the biggest regret of her life.

Sirius nodded. "I figured. He was in such an awful state when you left, said it was because of overworking. I suppose he could have been acting but I doubt you can force yourself to lose twenty pounds in a week."

Lily shook her head. "I thought it'd be easier if he thought I didn't love him. I didn't know when, if ever, I'd come back. If I died I doubt the ministry would have told him. I didn't want him waiting around for me for years. And I knew that if he asked me not to go I wouldn't have."

"He would have waited," Sirius acknowledged. "But he wouldn't have tried to convince you out of whatever you wanted to do. He didn't try to talk you out of leaving him, he wouldn't have talked you out of doing your job."

"No," Lily looked at her hands; ashamed almost of something she couldn't quite put her finger on. "He offered to go with me, when I told him I was leaving, did you know that? You have no idea how hard I fought with myself not to just take off with him and never come back." Lily frowned, "I thought he'd try to stop me. I wanted him to."

Sirius remained silent.

"I told him when my train would leave, I told him where. I stood at the station waiting for him for so long that I almost missed the train. I thought he'd at least say goodbye," she wiped at the tears starting in her eyes.

Sirius grabbed one of her hands and squeezed it. "Hang in there Lils," he told her. "We always knew you were strong."

The emotions became too much for Lily. She threw her arms around Sirius's neck and hugged him as tight as she could, a few tears squeezing out onto his sweater. "You got me wet," he commented. Lily pulled back and gave him a hard look. "There's some of the old fire back," he chuckled. Lily even smiled slightly. "You needed to see Williams?" he reminded her.

"Oh yeah," Lily smoother her hair and wiped off her face. "How do I look?"

"Beautiful," Sirius told her with a smile.

"Thanks," Lily hugged him again. "For everything."

Williams was sitting at his desk when Lily opened the door. His head was resting on his hand as he read a report; his skin was pale and haggard. He looked much worse then he had before Lily had left for Paris. "You wanted to see me today, Sir?" Lily asked as professionally as she could.

"Yes, yes. Sit down," he pointed to the chair she had filled so many times before. "We have vital information, from a loyal informant, and I may want to perform another raid, but nothing as big as the last one." He shuddered and Lily blanched accordingly."Something similar to what we had you doing in France, actually. I just want reconnaissance, to know if there's anything to this lead before we take permanent action. You will sneak into the building. Find out what is being stored there whether it's money or a hide out for people or anything else, and come back. Take no action. You'll be operating alone."

Lily nodded silently.

"I want you to go tomorrow night." Lily nodded again and stood to leave. "And Lily," he added. "Take the rest of the day off and don't come in tomorrow. I don't know what you're doing here this early but you look like you could use some rest."

"Yes, Sir," Lily inwardly cringed at the thought of another lifeless day in the apartment. She left the office quietly and went back down through the elevator. She apparated back into the apartment. She looked towards the door and considered going for a walk but she and James had wandered the city so often hand in hand that there was hardly a street in the whole of London they hadn't walked down together.

Lily walked to the bedroom and sat on the bed. She remembered falling asleep in his arms. She buried her face in his pillow, breathing in his scent that she had almost forgotten. Then with a deep sigh of contentment she fell into a deep sleep, enveloped in the familiar smell.

Lily awoke much later, she didn't know how much later. She sat up and glanced out the dark window and saw that no one was walking about in the streetlights far below. She flicked on a light on the nightstand and noticed a few things lying on its surface she'd missed earlier. There were pictures and books and a rosary from his mother but buried deep beneath was a leather bound, beaten journal. She opened it curiously and it fell open to the night she left.

_Lily's gone. I should have known all along she'd leave eventually; I was always too deeply in love to notice anything. People always say these things don't happen out of the blue; that there are all sorts of signs before your relationship completely deteriorates. I guess I missed them._

_12:52 out of King's Cross. That's where she's going. I don't know where, I don't know anything, except that tomorrow the reason I'm living is leaving on the 12:52 train out of King's Cross._

_Part of me thinks she's lying, wants to think that she's lying. That her family's forcing her into an arranged marriage or something ridiculous like that, and that she's just being noble by not telling me what's really going on, but that's just fool's talk. Lily was far too stubborn to let anyone treat her that way. It's time to face the truth, she's leaving because of me._

_I've relived every moment of the past years, trying to see what I could have done differently to make her stay. The mistakes I made are everywhere. She even told me before she left that she was sick of all my promises that we'd get married and have kids, but the war got in the way. I was too thick to see that that wasn't a good excuse in her eyes, I couldn't see what was right before my eyes, and now I feel as though I've lost even just the ability to breathe. I can't function with her gone, but somehow I'm painfully and unwillingly still alive._

Lily knew the sensation, for the first few weeks in Paris she'd have to sit still and gulp at the air because she couldn't quite seem to remember how to get oxygen to her lungs. She'd felt dizzy and woozy and ill, and in incomprehensibly acute pain.

She flipped the page of his diary but there was nothing there. He never wrote another word after that night, never had anything else worth writing.

Lily stood shakily and laid the diary down on the bed. She walked from the room with tentative steps, as though she was on a tightrope hundreds of miles above hard concrete; gradually she gained speed until she was running full tilt. She tore open the apartment door, ignoring the resounding bang when it smashed into the wall, just trying to distance herself from that journal, from the words that unintenionally accused and tore at the very fiber of her being.

With an ear-piercing skreik Lily ran out into the deserted street under a flickering streetlight that felt more like a searchlight, finding her in the dark, accosting her for being such a horrid, evil woman. The scream gradualy transformed into a sob as her voice lost power; she needed to keep running but there wasn't enough strength in her legs. Instead she sank onto the cold, wet pavement in a heap and screamed again, more quietly this time as she lacked the breath the scream any louder. She screamed for her pain, and for the unfairness of the world, and for someone to hear, but mostly she screamed for James because she knew he wouldn't have given into emotions like she was doing, he never would have sat in the street and screamed in agony.

Then the tears came, pouring silently down her face as she rocked herself gently on the pavement. When Lily didn't have the energy left to even cry she stood unsteadily. She considered the open door to James's apartment but turned away and apparated on the spot, leaving the dark doorway wide open for any intruder who didn't know the agony within.

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_I know you don't care about me  
I'm sure when all is said and done  
and I go home feeling lonely  
you will have had your fun  
do you even remember?_

_I kissed a drunk girl  
Why do I do these things I do to myself  
I kissed a drunk girl  
and now I'm sure  
I could've been anybody else_

_Something Corporate_

"Hey there."

Sirius only nodded back at the incredibly attractive blonde from across the hall and quickly entered his apartment. He wasn't in the mood for flirting. It was late and he was tired. He closed the door and leaned against it, sighing deeply.

He flicked the light switch on but nothing lit. "Damn fuse again," he grunted and stumbled to the closet to hunt down a candle, "What you get for living in a muggle apartment complex". He litthe candleand gasped when he saw the teary-eyed red head staring at him from across the room.

"Lily," he gasped. "God, you scared me Evans."

"Sorry," shemuttered apologetically, standing up uncertainly from her seat on the couch. "I just, I was wondering if I could take you up on that offer, I can't be there alone again tonight." She was nervous and unsure of herself, tucking a strand of hair behind an ear.

"Of course," Sirius rushed over to her side, placing the candle carelessly on a side table. "Do you want anything to eat?"

Lily considered for a second, realizing that she hadn't even remembered to have breakfast that morning. "Yeah, that'd be good." She smiled a little and Sirius grinned openly in return.

An hour later found Lily and Sirius sitting on the kitchen floor, surrounded by various stubs of candles and laughing hysterically as they traded off taking deep gulps from a huge bottle of firewhisky.

"I hated you for being so sympathetic when my rabbit died!" Lily cried out, falling against his shoulder. "You were just pretending and I had no clue till the stuffed animal bunny showed up in my room with a red stain on its side. I think I cried for a week!" She paused musingly "How'd you even get in my room? Guys can't go up the girls staircase."

"Flew," Sirius, the slightly less wasted of the two could still speak without slurring his words. "Took ages finding out which was the right window, scared the pants off some couple snogging one story down." He chuckled reminiscently, "Stole a couple school broomsticks and flew up to your window with James."

Sirius's voice trailed off as he said the one name they avoided all night. "You know I'm being serious about sympathies now," he continued.

Lily stared at her hand for several long minutes. "Of course you are, you cared about him too, but that somehow doesn't make it any easier. I just wish I hadn't broken his heart first."

Sirius concentrated on the bottle of whiskey, taking a sip before offering it over to Lily. "He knew," Lily looked at Sirius curiously. "He didn't _know_ know, but there were times when I was convinced that he knew somehow that you never would have really left him, that there was some special circumstance."

"If I could redo it, I'd tell Williams to shove it up his bloody arse." Lily cracked a smile and started laughing hysterically; imagining Williams's reaction to that sort of profanity, but the humor was short lived, and her state delicate, the hysteric laughter turned into hysteric tears, pouring out of her eyes beyond control.

It took a while for Lily to quiet. She was slouched over into Sirius's arms as he tried to console her, feeling like crying himself. "You got me all wet. Again," he joked, trying to lighten her up a bit. Lily almost laughed, but it was really just a watery hiccup. "Oh Lils," Sirius hugged her tight. "He knew you loved him, I know he did."

"Thank you," Lily quietly murmured a few moments later, finally relaxed if not at peace. "I know this must be tough for you too."

"Like I said, we knew this was coming," Sirius reassured her, helping to prop her back up against the wall in a sitting position. "We'd discussed it before, that either of us could be lost to the job. We just didn't know who would go first. At least I got to say a goodbye of sorts."

"You know the worst part," Lily chuckled cynically.

"It never even occurred to me that I wouldn't someday come back and have him again. I thought he might find someone new but I always figured she'd be easy to get rid of, once I returned." She sighed, exhausted from all the tears. "I never though he'd be…" There was no need to finish the sentence. Dead was too hard to say and missing sounded foolishly hopeful. "Now that I think of it, I'm starting to realize that it's probably better this way. I don't think I could ever recover if he'd moved on after I'd left. If I came back to see him in love again, how could I have coped?"

"Don't say that." Sirius shook his head, staring deep into her blurry emerald eyes, driving the message home. "One, he couldn't have moved on even if he thought you'd died, not for years and years, and two, why would he ever want anyone else when he could have you?"

"This red nosed, teary eyed, wreck?" Lily scoffed.

"No, this incredible woman, individual, smart, and to be honest, fucking hot. Who wouldn't want you?"

Lily laughed, "That's all very nice of you, but I'm not looking my best now though, am I?" Sirius didn't answer for a long time, long enough for Lily to look at him questioningly. There was a difficult debate going on in his mind. Lily watching his eyes flickering in the candlelight as he stared at her. "Sirius, what's wrong?" she quipped.

Sirius stared back at her for a long moment, his face resolved. "You've never been more beautiful," he answered finally. Then, with deliberate slowness, he leaned toward her, making sure this was okay, and when she didn't pull away, pressed his lips gently to hers. He'd wanted this for so long but she'd been his best mate's girl.

Lily froze in shock for a moment, then gave into the need to feel loved and cherished. She wrapped her arms delicately around his neck as he pulled her closer, pressing her body against his as if she could never be close enough. He pulled away gently, though not far enough to break her grip around his neck, "This is okay?" He checked again.

"I want this," Lily whispered against his lips. He nodded, kissing her lightly again, lifting her gently in his arms and carrying her from the kitchen.

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_These silly little wounds will never mend_

_I feel so far from where I've been_

_So I go, and I will not be back here again_

_I'm gone as the day is fading._

_Vanessa Carlton_

When Lily awoke she felt much warmer then she'd felt for ages. She shifted slightly but was restrained by a warm arm wrapped protectively around her stomach. With a jolt the previous night flashed through Lily's mind, the empty apartment, coming to Sirius's, the firewhisky and everything else. But it wasn't an unpleasant jolt, just one of recollecting thoughts that had strayed away in the quiet hours of night.

With great difficulty Lily rolled over to her other side, facing Sirius, watching his sleeping form. He looked so at peace asleep. The rest of the time you could see all the stresses and pressures and struggles of life on his features but asleep it all disappeared. Lily closed her eyes, feeling almost complete for the first time in over a year. It was then that Lily realized she could live the rest of her life like this. He wasn't James, but she had always loved James's goofy best friend somewhere deep in her heart.

Lily was still mourning for James, she would never fully accept his death, she was still heartbroken by his absence, but she could accept the unavoidable truth of his absense now that she felt whole again. There was something in her future now, not just a blank expanse of sleepless nights and painful dreams. If she couldn't have James, Sirius was a very close second.

If she had to guess how long she laid there with her eyes closed, listening to Sirius breathing, Lily would have to say it had been at least an hour. There was something relaxing about hearing another person beside you as opposed to the silence she had grown accustomed to hearing every morning.

When his breathing changed Lily knew Sirius was awake. She opened her eyes and met his with a gentle smile. "Morning," he whispered.

"Morning."

Sirius smiled slightly and stroked the side of her face. "You hungry?" he asked.

Lily shook her head. "Still tired. First time I've really slept in ages."

He nodded. "Then go ahead back to sleep," he prompted. "I'm going to call in sick to work." Lily nodded and buried her face in the pillow but she couldn't ignore the little twinge of loneliness she felt as soon as he got out of bed.

She listened to his murmured voice in the next room over and smiled a bit as he faked a cough. It took a minute of convincing but he returned eventually, wrapping his arms around Lily once again. "What do you want to do today?"

Lily thought for a long moment. "Lets go to the aquarium," she said. "I never had a chance to go before." Although what she really meant was 'James and I never went.'

"Okay, whatever you want," he answered,understanding perfectly the double meaning.

"Uhg," Lily remembered Williams's assignment the previous morning. It felt like so much longer then just 24 hours ago. "I have to work tonight though. Williams is sending me on some undercover mission."

"Now?" Sirius asked. "Doesn't he know you need some down time?"

"He gave me all of today off." Lily paused. "Besides, I already accepted. Yesterday I wanted to work, to keep busy. An adrenaline filled mission seemed like just the right thing. It never occurred to me I'd have anything better to do."

"Sure you can't get out of it?"

"No, not after I said I'd do it," Lily shook her head.

"Alright then," Sirius resigned. "I won't stop you." Lily smiled.

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_I've got a hunger I can't seem to get full_

_I need some meaning I can memorize_

_The kind I have always seems to slip my mind_

_You write such pretty words_

_But life's no story book_

_Love's an excuse to get hurt, and to hurt._

_Do you like to hurt?_

_Bright Eyes_

The rest of the day passed in a warm, fuzzy, haze. Lily wandered around the aquarium, holding hands with Sirius, pointing out the more vibrant fish and grinning back evilly at the sharks. Just for that afternoon it felt like the world had stopped and they were perfect in their little bubble, no war, no death, and no worrying.

They had lunch in a little pub, enjoying the brief sunlight that glimmered through the fog around noon. Before long the last quivering rays slipped below the horizon and Lily had to prepare for her mission.

"I'm not sure how long it'll be, so don't wait up," Lily half whispered, standing outside his apartment. "I may not even be back tonight, Williams was really vague about the mission."

"Be careful," Sirius answered, his once carefree brow furrowed in concern. "This whole day has been like a dream, I don't want it to end so soon."

Lily looked at her feet. "Me neither." She smiled lightly, "I'll be careful."

"Promise?"

"Promise." Lily stood on her tiptoes and kissed him. "I'll see you soon." Sirius nodded and stepped back, forcing a smile as she disapparated. He felt somwhow like he'd never see her again, not that she'd die, but that somehow he would never see her the same way again. He stood out in the fog for a long while after she left, pondering this curious sensation.

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_You don't feel the pain_

_Too much is not enough  
Nobody said this stuff makes any sense  
We're hooked again_

_Point of no return  
See how the buildings burn  
Light up the night  
Such pretty sight_

_Adrenaline_

_Gavin Rossdale_

"Good luck," the figure said to her.

Lily nodded sharply and shook the man's hand. She couldn't see his face and neither could he see hers, new ministry protocol, in case either of them were moles they wouldn't be able to identify the other to their employers.

She jumped out of the dark van without a backward glance and nimbly hopped the fence into the shadowy muggle yard. The muffled sounds of television and a quiet conversation drifted through the walls, covering Lily's creeping gait. With each step she fell deeper into a pattern that was as much habit as brushing her teeth, but she wanted this mission, she wanted the rush, and so every sensation was even stronger.

The next house over had a 'for sale' sign out front but it was so dilapidated that no muggles had called the broker even if they were looking for a fixer-upper. Lily knew that in fact the sign had been charmed so that any muggle who may want to purchase the house would forget to call or decide later they didn't want to. This was the house she was heading for, some sort of Death Eater facility, a storehouse, a hide out, she wasn't sure, but that's what she would find out.

A few quick charms broke the main muggle deterring enchantments, and another, more complex one allowed Lily access to the property. This is too easy, she mused, slipping through the basement window. Learning muggle tricks was something Lily prided herself on, the most powerful wizard can put up the most powerful enchantments, but never thinks that someone may just pick the locks.

Lily landed cat like on the slightly damp cement floor. She chould hear a trickle of water coming from across the room. Lumos minimus, she thought and her wand gave off a very faint light, hardly lighting anything but giving her aslighlty better view of the room. There were crates stacked against the wall, which she started towards after scanning the room and finding no other inhabitants.

A quick flick of the wand and the crates on top popped silently open. She rummaged through, finding nothing unexpected, only a few poisons, a box with food stores—must be some sort of hide out—and potion ingredients; nothing the ministry didn't already know the Death Eaters had.

Lily whipped around at a rustling noise but all she could see was a small mouse scurrying away from the light. She let out her breath, forcing her heart to relax and beat regularly again. The event had had a good effect; the blood rushing through her veins and the fear-induced adrenaline sharpened her eyesight and hearing, enough that she could hear voices from above.

A simple enchantment silenced the sound of creaking on the stairs as Lily snuck up to the termite eaten old door. She held her ear close the crack, and listened closely, holding her breath. When she was sure no one was in the room she opened the door just a sliver and passed into the old kitchen.

All the rusted muggle appliances scattered across the counter tops clearly went unused but all sorts of papers lay scattered across the table. Lily peered at them urgently, seeing scraps of notes and doodles as though someone was having serious difficulty answering some problem. If she took any they would know she had been there so instead she cast a camera spell—a new ministry development—on the documents, sending visuals of them back to the office. _What could they be planning that didn't have a simple magical solution?_

The voices drifted down to her from above, snapping Lily back to the situation. She swept swiftly through an empty sitting room and to the foot of the stairs, now hearing words drifting down to her.

"Stop pretending: I know of the Hall of Prophecy, I know the ministry has a record of the prophecy made about me. Tell me!" a chill shiver trickled like icy water down Lily's spine. The voice was cunning and cold and sharp like a dagger thrown at the heart, the voice of a purely evil person.

"I don't know anything about a hall of prophecy, or any prophets or the prophesies they may or may not have made so give it up," replied a man carelessly, clearly trying to provoke his questioner. Despite this Lily cringed, detecting the undertone of well disguised pain lacing his words. Something was familiar about him, but there was too much anger and contempt in his voice for her to detect it.

"STOP…lying to me," the cold voice lost its careless façade for a moment, revealing a desperation much deeper then Lily would have expected. She heard a harsh cry from the man, a piercing yelp of pain and then his long ragged breaths as he recovered.

The cold voice's next inquiry was covered by the slow creak of a door opening in the kitchen and a ragged whisper, someone was trying to be quiet. Lily held her breath as she crept up the stairs, once again casting a charm to silence her steps on the worn, wooden old stairs. She hid in a bedroom right next to the one where the man was being questioned and heard the inquirer leave the room.

She waited several minutes in the bedroom, debating her next action. She had been ordered to take no action, the mission was purely reconnaissance, but she couldn't leave this man to die, besides, she didn't have any way out without revealing herself anyways, there were Death Eaters blocking her exit and they would hear her disapperating. She listened for another minute until she was sure no one else was in the room. Then she slipped out to the hall and into the otherroom.

In a corner, silhouetted against the window was a crouched form, the body rising and falling steadily. He heard her enter and tensed up, preparing for further abuse. "Ministry agent 0D63J1, the house elf slays the giant," she whispered as she rushed toward the figure and began releasing the bonds on his hands.

"Agent 62FC8Y, then he tricks the goblin," the man replied, relief filling his voice. She couldn't see his face in the dark but she saw a slight glistening on his forehead that looked like blood.

"How long have you been here?" she questioned as she began fixing what wounds she could.

"About a month I think, when is it now?"

"October."

He swore. "Over two months then, I've lost track of time. How are we getting out?"

"Can't get out the way I came in, there are Death Eaters downstairs that weren't here when I arrived." Lily whispered hurriedly. "There's an anti-apparation jinx I think I can break, but I'd need to be able to concentrate on just that for several minutes. They'll be back up soon to check on you; I heard them discussing ways of making you talk before I came in. If they see you're gone they'll search everywhere, I won't have enough time."

They thought for a moment. "Can you break the jinx without your wand?"

"I'd need more time but I think so."

"Give it to me, I'll hold them off."

Lily held onto her wand reluctantly. "You're in no state to fight, even after I've finished doing what little healing I know. You can barely stand."

"No drug like adrenaline," he answered.

She smiled in spite of herself. "Even adrenaline has its limits."

"Not on me." Lily scrutinized him, seeing a bit better in the dark. She handed him her wand.

"If we're going to let them know we're here anyways," he whispered. "Lumos."

Lily gasped and her eyes widened at the sight of him. Broken and scarred and bloody, he was almost unrecognizable, but beneath the muck his hazel eyes glowed. "You're dead."

"What?" Confusion clouded those perfect eyes she knew so well. Lily stumbled back against the wall, putting much space between them as she could manage.

"You're dead, they announced your death just the other day." She shook her head furiously, "This can't be happening." A pause. "Who are you?" When he didn't answer she almost screamed, "WHO ARE YOU? James Potter is dead!" She whipped off her mask and watched as James eyes widened in turn.

"You left the ministry," he murmured. "You left."

"Stop lying," she reminded herself of the cold voice in a creepy sense of déjà vu. "You are not James Potter. You took a polyjuice potion or something. Who are you, a Death Eater? Who?" Her eyes flicked longingly to her wand grasped carelessly in his hand.

"The first thing I said to you was 'marry me'," James stated.

"So, what?" Lily's whisper was harsh. She could scarcely hope to believe but neither could she understand why an enemy would bother debating with her, he had the wand. "The entire school heard that."

"The last thing I said to you was 'when will you come back?'"

Lily stared at him. "I don't know," she quoted herself slowly. He nodded. "What did you want to name our first daughter?"

"Olivia," he answered instantaneously, "But you wanted Adele."

"You're alive," she gasped, throwing herself into his arms and then jumping back as he cringed in pain. "They gave me a huge mission, one that could have really made my career for me. I had to go undercover, oh I'm so sorry what I did to you, but I had to." She frantically kissed every part of him she could while still trying to be gentle, his eyes, his cheeks, his lips. "I was in Paris, infiltrating the Death Eater camps, oh god it was awful, I thought you'd come. I thought that you'd come to the train station to stop me, I waited for you, almost missed the train, but you never came so I went to Paris." Everything rushed forth quickly, both aware of what limited time they had.

"I did go." Lily stepped back from him in shock to get her bearings. "I went to the train station and sat watching you. I watched you pacing and looking at your watch. I watched you get on the train. The whole time it was killing me not to try and stop you but I thought that you wanted to go. I sat there and watched you getting all frantic and at the last second I finally stood up to go after you but it was too late, you were running for the train and I couldn't catch you."

"I wanted you to stop me."

"I wanted to stop you." They stared at each other for just a moment, the truth finally coming through.

"Well isn't this touching," the cold voice froze Lily down to the bones. "Expelliarmus!" They both tensed as Lord Voldemort entered the room. "No wand?" he looked questioningly at Lily, curious and intrigued. James subtly slipped her wand up his sleeve, grabbing her arm and pulling her slightly behind him, protectively. "What happened to it?"

Lily knew he was a gifted Legimens. "I—I dropped it," she lied, pulling up her defences. "On my way in I think." _Thank god he didn't ask James_, she thought, _he's an awful Occlumens_.

"I see." Had she actually fooled him? "Then how do you hope to escape?"

"Apparation." Play dumb; just play dumb, she thought to herself.

His evil laughter filled the room in chilling ripples. "You picked a stupid girlfriend Potter. You can't apparate from here girly, we have spells to stop that, don't you know?"

"Uh—oh," she quivered and tightened her grip on James's arm. _Of course I fucking know that you son of a bitch. Do you think they let anyone into the Auror office?_

Voldemort sighed in mock disappointment. "And here I thought the ministry would at least send someone with O.W.L. level intelligence," he shook his head sadly. _I had O's on all my O.W.L.s you bloody ass!_

"This isn't worth my time," Voldemort continued. "Malfoy, Black, Snape," three figures entered the room, cloaked and hooded with skeletal masks on. "Finish off this scum." Then, just to prove his power, he apparated through his own anti-apparation jinx. _You idiot,_ Lily smirked inwardly, _that weakens the jinx; I can break through much easier now_. And that's what she didn't half closing her eyes and concentrating on teh complicated web of several people's magic.

"I've been waiting for this Potter. I've been waiting months for the Dark Lord to give the all clear on your execution," the first figure, apparently the leader entered the room; Malfoy, Lily wondered for a second if he recognized her but drove the thought away, concentrating instead on the hole Voldemort's departure had left in the jinx.

"Don't do it right away, Lucius," a female voice followed, Black, Sirius's cousin. Lily's heart panged with emotion for Sirius but she drove that away, if she didn't keep getting distracted she wouldn't have to worry about seeing him again. It was three against two and she didn't have a wand. "I want to play with them first." She giggled, making Lily sick to the stomach.

The third figure entered the room, Snape. He entered the room predatorily like the previous two, but when he saw her face he hesitated, and she knew he recognized her. They're eyes met despite the mask and they reached some sort of understanding, what exactly Lily wasn't sure.

As Malfoy and Black debated over how to kill them Lily squeezed James's arm. She slouched back against the wall as though she'd fainted, a cue to him that she was just about done countering the jinx. "Too scare-wy for your little girl, Jamsie-poo?" Bellatrix question as James knelt at her side, pretending to take a pulse. "She's better off if she's already dead, but just in case, CRUCIO!"

"NOOO!" James leapt to his feet. "CRUCIO!" he shot back at Bellatrix, Lily's wand slipping into his palm, feeling almost as in place there as his own wand, long since snapped and discarded. She curled over in pain but James just felt sick as opposed to her joy in her victims' pain. "Stupefy! Stupefy! Stup—"

"No!" Lily jumped up and shoved his arm up towards the ceiling, saving Snape for a reason unknown to herself.

"What are you doing, Lily?" James yelled.

"He's right. You have to Lily," he murmured through the mask. "If you don't the Dark Lord will return and know I've allowed you to escape."

"Come with us," she pleaded, holding James's wand arm down. "It's not to late for you. We can protect you."

"Only one thing would be worth that, and it will never be mine," he answered in a whisper.

"Don't choose this. I can't leave you here," she whispered back.

"And I can't come with you." They stared each other in the eyes for a long moment, frozen in time.

"I've missed you," she admitted.

"Me too."

Lily frowned, worried, then nodded at James. "Stupefy." The final cloaked figure slumped to the floor. She walked forward across the creaking floorboards and knelt at his side.

"I'm sorry I can't give you what you wanted," she said so quietly she wasn't sure if her lips even formed words or if it was just a thought. With gentle hands she removed the mask and revealed a face she had known so well, gently tracing her fingers along the hard edges and scars this life had added. Lily bent and left a light kiss on his forehead. "So, so sorry."

"Lily, we have to go," James urged.

She nodded, stood and wiped her eyes. Taking James's hand into her own they turned on the spot and vanished.

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_You're amazing, I'm attracted,_

_But I'm terribly distracted._

_And I'm trying to be verbal_

_And I'm back into this circle._

_ButI just found someone special_

_And that's really something special_

_If you knew me, nice to meet you anyways._

_Gavin DeGraw_

"We would like to commend the honor and bravery of these two talented aurors, the first to escape from the very presence of You-Know-Who," Williams concluded his speech. "They are an excellent model of the exemplary type of character this ministry needs to win this war."

Much applause greeted the speech's conclusion as Lily and James stood, beaming, hand in hand. They were the first to walk from the hall, past all the ministry officials and their fellow aurors. Lily searched for and caught Sirius's eye. He was grinning back at her. She smiled bitter-sweetly, apologetic but he just shook his head and winked. "Wait here," she mouthed.

As they were leaving Lily "forgot" her purse and had to double back, leaving James at the ministry car ready to drive them home.

She slipped off her heals as soon as she entered the building and ran light footed to the main hall, emptied of all but one man, sitting alone in the middle of several hundred seats. "Sirius," she called, her voice echoing off the bare walls. He stood and smiled, walking casually out from between the rows of chairs. Lily continued running toward him but stopped short just in front of him, unsure of if she could come any closer. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be."

"I didn't know it would end up this way."

"You couldn't have."

"I don't want you to think I was just using you."

"I don't."

"And I really did care about you, _do_ care about you," she amended.

"I know."

"So you don't hate me."

"Never."

"And you're not going to try and get some Death Eaters to kill you."

His bark like laugh greeted her and she knew she was being silly. "Now that I can't promise you."

Lily laughed in response but sobered quickly. "I really care about you, you know that?"

"Of course. I really care about you too." The twinkle in his eyes hinted that he was mocking her.

She glared at her hands. "It's not fair. I love you, but I love James. I'm supposed to be with James, I know it. But I wish I could have you too."

"You do." He stepped closer and took her hands in his, rubbing them gently, willing her eyes to meet his. "You can love two people at the same time. In some other world you told James about the mission and you two eloped and had eighteen children."

"Eighteen?"

"Eighteen," he confirmed. "And in another Williams never assigned the mission to you and you married James eventually like he always planned and you had nineteen kids." Lily smiled. "And in another James never came back and you and I…" he trailed off; there was no need to go into further detail.

"I'm sorry."

"Me too," he sounded sorry, regretful, "but I guess I'll just have to be content that me in some other world is perfectly happy getting to call you my own."He paused."Things don't always work out, do they?"

"No."

"Well then," he swept into a deep, flourishing bow, ending on one knee. "In some other dimension coexisting with our own, will you, Lily Evans, marry me?"

"Of course she will." Lily grabbed his hand and pulled him up into a bone-crushing hug, for her in any case. She gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. "I love you."

"I love you too."

"Goodbye," Lily slipped her clutch purse out from where it was hidden in her boot.

"So that's how you came back," Sirius mused to himself, then chuckled. "I'll see you soon."

"Real soon, you'll be the best man in the wedding."

"And get really drunk."

"But no firewhiskey."

"No firewhiskey."

Lily smiled and turned and walked slowly from the hall. At the doorshe turned to look back and there he was, just watching her with acrooked smile on his face.

Lily walked outside onto the sidewalk with a springy step and smiled at the gray sky she loved. With her arms thrown to her sides and her mouth opened wide she laughed in delight as the rain began to pour down.

A/N: Almost got tears of happiness in my eyes, I had so much fun with this one. It was a several month process; picking up the story from time to time so I hope it's not too choppy. I know the ends a bit cheesy, but who doesn't love a corny ending every once in a while. Part of me wants to write another one shot where James really is dead. It'd be sad but it could be interesting. Totally AU obviously, but still cool. I had fun, and love you all for reading.

Oh yeah, Merry Christmas! (Or happy Kwanzaa or Chanukah if that's your holiday…)


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